From the Diary of a Fly

Here are some entries which I wrote in a personal diary which I kept to keep in touch with my thoughts throughout the week.

Mon 18 Dec 2006, 7pm

I think it's better for me to write as it does help me express my feelings better. I've been hoping to be constant in writing a personal diary. Maybe it's a good companion for me to vent my feelings upon.

I 've been feeling that unusual frustration. It's just like fighting against oneself. You tell yourself this but your heart don't obey. Internal conflict. This is probably my 'old' self, although I have been trying to put the past behind. Dealing with my negative self is hard. But I know I will pull through it one day.

Tues 19 Dec 2006, 6.30am

I've been thinking a lot through the night. Slept early at 9am and woke up at 2.45am. Life is indeed a struggle. Many times I told myself who I want to be, the character I want to develop, but after a while, it just fade or couldnt keep up. Many times, I am just affected by the environment around me, the people I mix with. Of course, not all the peer influence are bad. I am just too weak, too weak.

Fri 22 Dec 2006, 12pm

Sometimes in life, we will be put off by many tiny obstacles that come along our way. I was practising the 3rd movement of Grieg's Sonata in E minor where I encountered some tricky rhythm. I think I do need the patience.

Just my thought. Life is just like practising the piano. Overcoming a diffcult passage in music is just like trying to overcome the downs in your life. It hinders your progress in this otherwise simple piece of music. Here are some different ways which people or I handle it:

1) to be patient and think of methods to practise the passage
2) To scrape through that passage or phrase and hope it will turn out well.
3)To completely shun the repertoire.

Very often, I would choose option 2 or 3 and rarely option 1. However, sometimes we are limited by out ability or technique to handle the difficult passage. We have to acquire the correct skill or method to conquer the difficulty.

Well, I will overcome that rhythm eventually.

On the lighter note: I passed my IPPT!!!!!!!!