On Eagle's Wings

Sunday, December 17, 2006

6:05 PM

Before I start to get into depression, I think I would write out my feelings now in this blog as a form of therapy...

I don't know what/who started it or how it started. It might be caused by something that happen yesterday online. But somehow, I felt really pissed after playing the piano today, drilling the first two exercises of Hanon, chasing after the metronome. I just felt that I couldnt play the piano properly and it worsen. I just couldnt. It just make me feel useless, lonely and alone. The unpleasant words of my previous piano teacher kept haunting me. I just fear for my future but am helpless about it.

However, this article which i read in the Newpaper sort of comforted me that I am not alone, fighting in this world. There are some people in this world who are in worse situtation than I am, being raped in the past, being abused by husbands, fighting a brain tumour, and yet she remained strong for the sake of her children and struggling to live even. I am nothing compared to her. I am just fighting my own internal emotions and struggle, but she is fighting with the physical, emotional, reality, sickness, financial etc.

In the past, I would have wallow in self pity, but not now. I just want to stand up, fight with the unpleasant things which people say about me in the past, and not let people look down on me, and pursue my dream.

There is no one I could talk to about my internal struggles in life, except for myself. I just have to handle it silently. I am physically and spiritually alone.

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord
who abide in his shadow for life
Say to the Lord, "My refuge,
my rock in whom I trust!"

And He will raise you up
On Eagle's wings
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun
and hold you in the palm of his hand

The snare of the fowler will never capture you
and famine will bring you no fear
Under his wings your refuge,
His faithfulness your shield

And He will raise you up
On Eagle's wings
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun
and hold you in the palm of his hand

You need not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
though thousands fall about you,
Near you it shall not come.
And He will raise you up
On Eagle's wings
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun
and hold you in the palm of his hand

For to his angels he's given a command
to guard you in all of your ways;
up on their hands they will bear you up,
lest you dash your foot against a stone
And He will raise you up
On Eagle's wings
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun
and hold you in the palm of his hand