On Eagle's Wings

Saturday, September 09, 2006

12:50 AM

New Sergants and Training

It has been a rather tiring week for me in camp. For the past few days, I have been under the hot sun learning to operate the bridge. Somehow, I begin to understand slightly more about myself.

I cannot at all work at stressful conditions, cause in these conditions, my mind would turn blank. I cannot think properly when I am stressed. I guess many people will face the same problem. It's really about how you handle it. But for me, I am not a good handler of stress.

In the past, during my school days, the first thing I told myself, not to stress myself too much. During exams, I will just enter and not thinking about what I revise too much. I guess it was because of my parents, who refuse to give me any pressure, as long as I could pass my exams, they would be happy. But of course, there will be a trade off between stress and results. :)

I am a slow learner. Everything I achieved is through pure hard work, though not always work smart. I realise the reason for not being able to improve much (though a little) under my previous piano teacher. Please don't get me wrong He is a good teacher, a positive influence, someone whom I respect and admire. But one thing, piano lessons were stressful. I remembered when I played the first repertoire well, everything later in the lesson will go well, but when vice versa happens, the rest of the day will be bad. Unfortunately, 80% of the piano lesson begin bad and end worst. I receive lots of criticism and my morale went low. It did not help when I was a negative person. At one point, I did told myself, practising too much won't help, cause I will not get well.

But my passion for music has not detoriated due to setbacks, just need to find the right inspiration and motivation. Guess what, I spent money buying piano scores, viola and violin scores, just trying to motivate myself to work, telling myself there are lots of nice repertoire for me to try out. It worked for a while though it's an expensive way to motivate myself, ( I never asked my parents for money to get the scores, I save it from my pocket money k?) Now, I have quite a collection of piano scores which I havent played, ranging from Bach, Beethoven, Bartok, Ravel, Mozart, Schubert, Schumann, Listz, Chopin, Haydn, Debussy, Grieg, Tchaikovsky etc. I am determined to at least have a hand on on some of the nice repertoire.

Sometimes it's good to have a short break after lots and lots of setbacks. For me, my NS is a break for me, because I know that I do miss my piano a lot whenever I am in camp. Well, it might be a little late for me, but there is no use regretting it. I just do whatever I can for now to keep in touch with music (like in church?) and just spend time at home (during book out to practise piano). I just hope that I can be posted to a 8am to 5pm company (please pray for me k?) after my course which ends on 22nd September, get a good piano teacher and enter a good university/ conservatory to study music. I guess these are the downs in my life and I hope that there will be some caring soul who would give me the support and encouragement during this struggle.

Talking about new sergants. They are finally here to replace the "ORD-ing"sergants. Today, one sergant actually start speaking to me while travelling on the tonner from seletar to Pasir Laba, lolz, apparently I have earned a bad reputation of being a "cockster" in Seletar Camp after my blur-ness in yesterday's training.

Well, we started talking a little, not as a commander-men relationship but more of a friendship. Apparently, he is a christian too and from VJ. And when we arrived at Pasir Laba Camp, he came to me and pointed the bunk he slept when he was on his Specialist course. Hope to know him better as a friend. Well, I rarely mix well with my mates in the army, I am the outcast, but who cares?

I am who I am. :)

You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord
who abide in his shadow for life
Say to the Lord, "My refuge,
my rock in whom I trust!"

And He will raise you up
On Eagle's wings
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun
and hold you in the palm of his hand

The snare of the fowler will never capture you
and famine will bring you no fear
Under his wings your refuge,
His faithfulness your shield

And He will raise you up
On Eagle's wings
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun
and hold you in the palm of his hand

You need not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
though thousands fall about you,
Near you it shall not come.
And He will raise you up
On Eagle's wings
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun
and hold you in the palm of his hand

For to his angels he's given a command
to guard you in all of your ways;
up on their hands they will bear you up,
lest you dash your foot against a stone
And He will raise you up
On Eagle's wings
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun
and hold you in the palm of his hand